Keeping Up

Remember me? The one who’s supposed to be finding herself?

Wow. What a season. I kind of knew this would happen…I would start the blog and then have trouble posting consistently. My problem is that I get inspired to write at the wrong time, like when I’m cooking dinner or putting someone to bed or what-have-you. My motivation and inspiration are fleeting these days. So I make lists. Lists of blog posts I want  to write when I get a minute. But then I get a minute and there’s so much else to be done! Argh!

Since November 18th, we did Thanksgiving. We didn’t travel this year, but stayed home and spent it with close friends and their kids. Nathan’s dad was also around, which was great. It was during that week that my Flannery’s cough got worse, since she also started teething in addition to her chest cold. Amos still was sick and so we were sleeping less.
Also during this time, we’ve been getting up early (5:30 am) to exercise and work our way through P90X. It’s a crazy and extreme home workout program that has you exercising for 6 out of 7 days for 90 days. It’s tough but we’re starting to see results, so that helps.
We’ve also been livinging life. Playing on snowdays, putting up our Christmas tree, staying up late and watching ‘Lost’ (we didn’t before), hosting weekly dinners, carpooling to preschool, and other of the mundane daily activities.
And I recently made a discovery that has helped my mental and emotional health immensely. I spent the month of November feeling down, tired, worn out, etc and it came to a head during the first week of December. My mom and husband asked if my thyroid needed to be checked, so I finally called and got in to have my blood drawn. Before I got the results, I went off of my thyroid meds, Synthroid, and immediately started to feel better. When they called and confirmed that my thyroid was off, I breathed a sigh of relief but was then surprised when she said, “So we’ll just increase your dose of Synthroid.” What? “But I feel better,” I wanted to scream. I didn’t know why, but it didn’t make sense. It wasn’t until the next day that it occurred to me (actually, I think God revealed it to me) that I should actually check the side effects!  What a concept, right?!
You see, I started taking this medication after I found out that I was pregnant and had my blood tested to see if I had hypothyroidism. I had it with Amos, but didn’t treat it and have always wondered if his premature birth was due to my thyroid being off.
I was immediately put on Synthroid, with very little questions (other than is it safe for pregnancy?) asked, I think because I was really worried and wanted to do whatever needed to be done.
That pregnancy was harder than the first, but each one is different, right?! I was so hungry, all of the time. I gained alot of weight and was very tired and irritable. And after Flannery was born, I lost most of the weight, but have had trouble losing the last 20, even with P90X. And I’m still hungry and tired and irritable and sometimes sad.
When I looked up the side effects, it was as if a cloud was lifted. I suddenly understood the last year and a half of my life and immediately was relieved to know that it wasn’t me, but the medication that I was on that was amplifying all of these issues. I wanted to call my OB and tell her it wasn’t my fault that I gained so much weight. I wanted to call everyone I knew and apologize for being so weird, and probably mean, while I was pregnant AND since Flannery’s been born. I wanted to exercise harder than ever to lose weight. I wanted to go back in time and check the side effects so I would not have felt crazy.
I felt free.

So I still have to deal with my thyroid. BUT I am seeing a naturopath who is helping me treat it naturally. And I hope it works. For now, I am thankful that I know that I’m back and that whatever happens during the day, that it’s all me, the good and the bad. This morning was hard and I did alot of apologizing to my son. But at least I know it was all me.
That’s what’s been going on, and there’s probably a bunch I left out. But hopefully I’ll give this blog a bit more time and attention in the new year. One can hope, right?!?

(And please, if you read this blog, leave me a comment and let me know. For all I know, I have two readers. If I knew more were reading, or wanting to read, I might be a bit more motivated!) 🙂

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About sarah partain

Mama of two little ones, wife of one awesome one. Believer, daughter, sister, friend. Extrovert.
This entry was posted in Miscellaneous. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Keeping Up

  1. Arby says:

    i read it everyday sissy!

  2. Kenny green-eyes says:

    fantastic.
    I have had a similar journey with my discontinuing zoloft for ADD. side effects were worse than ADD symptoms. halelujah

  3. uncle jason says:

    keep writing. keep writing and showing more old pictures.

  4. Jennie Rader says:

    Im reading!!! Keep it up!

    My food blog ended only a few months after it started, sadly. But Im giving myself
    grace and think I will come back to it one day!

    I didnt know you were doing P90X!!! I’ll have to ask you about it! I sure need to do that!
    My last 10 are driving me nuts!

  5. Tricia F. says:

    I read this blog (and your other one too :D). It’s in my Google reader.

    I just saw an advertisement for P90x the other day. That looks like an intense workout. I’m impressed that you guys get up so early AND do that workout! I’m hoping start hooping and doing yoga regularly, but that feels kind of wimpy compared to what you’re doing. 🙂

  6. i read this blog!!!! keep posting!!!! i love your thoughts.

  7. kate nordmark says:

    HI! I read your blog. I’m a friend of Stephanie Hendrickson from WA. I live in Sweden and met you at her wedding. Maybe you look at my blog too??? Keep up the good work! Kate

  8. write for yourself first. and then you can write for me. I’m reading.

  9. Nancy says:

    Sarah – I greatly appreciate your realness.

  10. Beth says:

    Yay, for discoveries about health! One positive, baby step at a time.

  11. I’m reading! I totally get the being-inspired-at-the-wrong-moment thing. It never happens in a moment of peace and quiet. I have things written down on scraps of paper, napkins, typed into Evernote on my phone. I type it so I don’t miss the lightbulb moment and hope I can decipher it later. Sometimes it ends up as a post, sometimes I have no earthly idea what I was thinking.

    So glad to hear you’re feeling better. Hope you have a wonderful holiday!

  12. Elizabeth Zerfoss says:

    Hey Sarah,

    Just found this blog of yours. I don’t keep up on many blogs with any regularity but I’m definitely going to add this one to my list to check in on from time to time.

    Years ago my Mom discovered that synthetic thyroid had serious messed her up for the long term and told me, “don’t EVER let a doctor put you on it!” The only thing I’ve been on since (though I’m not currently) is Armour thyroid.

    But I think I know exactly what you are describing, I’ve felt similar emotions after getting ON a medication that has helped me function better mentally. I can relate to wanting to be able to go back with what you know now or at least explain to people what was going on and why you were the way you were. It’s a stretch of faith in God’s sovereingty, huh?

    • Elizabeth, Tell me about it. Having to trust that God is sovereign even over meds, sickness, etc. is tough. So far, no one has disowned me though, so that’s good! Synthroid was so hard, and I think if I had not been pregnant and freaked out that my sick thyroid might cause another premature birth, I would have looked into it more carefully, I’m sure. I am on a pig thyroid hormone now, and it seems to be helping. The lack of sugar and caffeine seems to be helping too! Hugs to you and your family!

  13. MamaToo says:

    hey, just wanted to put in a little word (belated) of encouragement on the natural treatment & monitoring of thyroid. I’ve dealt with a hypo-thyroid disease since 16. For a long time, I was on varying levels of Synthroid, and never could feel “normal” for any reasonable duration. I’ve been treating it naturally for over a decade, largely through diet, exercise, and some vitamin supplements that help. The other big piece is monitoring & testing it well, and having a doctor who doesn’t freak out when things are off (which they frequently are), but looks at the big picture. It is a lot like pregnancy/birthing: as long as you don’t say, “never” to anything, and always have the goal of health, my experience is that a natural treatment can be very successful. prayers for you to have the same testimony…
    -calyn

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