Remember me? The one who’s supposed to be finding herself?
Wow. What a season. I kind of knew this would happen…I would start the blog and then have trouble posting consistently. My problem is that I get inspired to write at the wrong time, like when I’m cooking dinner or putting someone to bed or what-have-you. My motivation and inspiration are fleeting these days. So I make lists. Lists of blog posts I want to write when I get a minute. But then I get a minute and there’s so much else to be done! Argh!
Since November 18th, we did Thanksgiving. We didn’t travel this year, but stayed home and spent it with close friends and their kids. Nathan’s dad was also around, which was great. It was during that week that my Flannery’s cough got worse, since she also started teething in addition to her chest cold. Amos still was sick and so we were sleeping less.
Also during this time, we’ve been getting up early (5:30 am) to exercise and work our way through P90X. It’s a crazy and extreme home workout program that has you exercising for 6 out of 7 days for 90 days. It’s tough but we’re starting to see results, so that helps.
We’ve also been livinging life. Playing on snowdays, putting up our Christmas tree, staying up late and watching ‘Lost’ (we didn’t before), hosting weekly dinners, carpooling to preschool, and other of the mundane daily activities.
And I recently made a discovery that has helped my mental and emotional health immensely. I spent the month of November feeling down, tired, worn out, etc and it came to a head during the first week of December. My mom and husband asked if my thyroid needed to be checked, so I finally called and got in to have my blood drawn. Before I got the results, I went off of my thyroid meds, Synthroid, and immediately started to feel better. When they called and confirmed that my thyroid was off, I breathed a sigh of relief but was then surprised when she said, “So we’ll just increase your dose of Synthroid.” What? “But I feel better,” I wanted to scream. I didn’t know why, but it didn’t make sense. It wasn’t until the next day that it occurred to me (actually, I think God revealed it to me) that I should actually check the side effects! What a concept, right?!
You see, I started taking this medication after I found out that I was pregnant and had my blood tested to see if I had hypothyroidism. I had it with Amos, but didn’t treat it and have always wondered if his premature birth was due to my thyroid being off.
I was immediately put on Synthroid, with very little questions (other than is it safe for pregnancy?) asked, I think because I was really worried and wanted to do whatever needed to be done.
That pregnancy was harder than the first, but each one is different, right?! I was so hungry, all of the time. I gained alot of weight and was very tired and irritable. And after Flannery was born, I lost most of the weight, but have had trouble losing the last 20, even with P90X. And I’m still hungry and tired and irritable and sometimes sad.
When I looked up the side effects, it was as if a cloud was lifted. I suddenly understood the last year and a half of my life and immediately was relieved to know that it wasn’t me, but the medication that I was on that was amplifying all of these issues. I wanted to call my OB and tell her it wasn’t my fault that I gained so much weight. I wanted to call everyone I knew and apologize for being so weird, and probably mean, while I was pregnant AND since Flannery’s been born. I wanted to exercise harder than ever to lose weight. I wanted to go back in time and check the side effects so I would not have felt crazy.
I felt free.
So I still have to deal with my thyroid. BUT I am seeing a naturopath who is helping me treat it naturally. And I hope it works. For now, I am thankful that I know that I’m back and that whatever happens during the day, that it’s all me, the good and the bad. This morning was hard and I did alot of apologizing to my son. But at least I know it was all me.
That’s what’s been going on, and there’s probably a bunch I left out. But hopefully I’ll give this blog a bit more time and attention in the new year. One can hope, right?!?
(And please, if you read this blog, leave me a comment and let me know. For all I know, I have two readers. If I knew more were reading, or wanting to read, I might be a bit more motivated!) 🙂